I wrote this blog for the brilliant The Zephyr Chronicles. What if you chose everything about sex?
I was raised Catholic, in France, in an affluent family. While there were many adults around me joking about sex, no one ever took the time to actually tell me about sex. I was 13 when I found out the mechanics of it and I was 21 when I lost my virginity. And I remember that being such a difficult experience that even my partner was not sure he could get me to break the heavy veil of wrong hanging around sex.
Since no one talked about sex with me, sex, and anything related to it was like the big dark dangerous man that I needed to avoid at all cost. To make things worse, I stayed up late one night around the age of 12 and caught a movie on television where a baby dies when, in a moment of passion, a woman’s lover throws his heavy coat on top of the baby’s cradle.
But healing my story around sex must have been one of my karmic responsibilities. When I was 28 years old I was introduced to a group of friends who stand for freedom in every way shape or form. One of these freedoms is freedom of sexual expression. This group often had private events where having sex was often a glorious possibility. Would you be surprised that I would sat in a corner, my body shaking and crying my heart out? Not really. I was very fortunate though as many friends would just sit with me and often offer loving words that did not make my reaction wrong in any way.
The next 10 years offered more and more experiences for me to watch myself react to different sexual situations. As I was exposed to things that my upbringing would have me judge as “wrong” I heard the voice inside my heart that became louder and louder and said “choose!” Declaring something wrong because I was told it was, no longer worked for me
Was it wrong for me to be attracted to both men and women? Was it wrong for me to realize that orgasmic energy was not only experienced through sex but also handling, touching, kissing, eating? Was it wrong for me to love being naked and enjoy the natural curves of my body? Was it wrong for me to get turned on by watching other people have sex? Was it wrong for me to detach sex from meaning that I needed to have a “serious relationship” with that person? While I know now that it is all perfectly fine because those are the choices I made, I know that others may not be as comfortable with my choices. And I am ok with that. They may even judge me as dirty or unnatural but that is their point of view, not mine.
But let’s backtrack for a moment. How did I become ok with all of this? Was it simply the exposure to a new possibility around sex? It certainly helped. But I also know that without the tools I have to live my life powerfully it would have been a harder road.
The first step was to acknowledge all the ways I was making sex wrong. In particular, how I was making my own sexuality wrong. I realized I had so much meaning attached to it that until I recognized it was a choice, I would not be free from it. That’s what I saw when I was trying to fight with my husband over something and a part of me just could not get upset. I saw the way I was making myself and him wrong and by just seeing that, the polarity was gone.
Today I have tools that I find in Access Consciousness to help me see what is true for me. Basically, anything that feels heavy, painful, hurtful or restricted is not true for me. When I say “sex is only done at home behind closed doors, in my bed, lights off” it sure does not feel good to me so I know it is not true. I then can use the clearing statement of Access and remove any point of views or decisions related to this so that the polarity is gone and I truly have choice.
Access is my favorite ways to remove any kind of polarity but I encourage anyone to start by asking themselves: Did I make that choice or did I get that choice from someone else?
Sex is a beautiful thing but then that’s also my point of view!