I have several values that I respect when I make a choice. Will it empower me or someone else? Will it bring me prosperity or abundance? Will it be fun? The fun factor has long eluded me. I think it’s only been about 1 year since I ask myself that question.
But honestly, if it’s not fun, why do it?
Now fun to me can be described in many different ways. It makes me want to get up and dance but fun is also a new ability to focus for hours on one project. Fun is really anything that expands my vision and stretches me, even if it’s just my lips.
Today, the most fun for me is to take a day off. Lay in bed with hot tea and my ipad and do nothing. If a thought bugs me, I will write it down, so that they can all flow through easily but today I am “closed for business”.
My body knows me well and knew I would not rest without a reason so I am sick. But I am not judging myself for it. Today I am having fun doing nothing! (starting after I publish this blog, but it’s only 8AM in my part of the world).
Quick note to the universe, while I am having fun relaxing, will you please line up all the pieces for my film so that I can take care of it tomorrow?
I am in trouble. I get so excited about something, I plunge right in, I dive. Then I get stopped. And then I question myself because the joy is suddenly gone. Well, it’s not really gone, it’s just hiding behind all the doubts, the questions and the “why can’t this be easy”.
Among all of this angst, there is a moment of stillness. When I am done fighting myself, I stop and stay still. And then a tiny little piece of light shows up. I would never have seen that piece of light if I had not been stopped. That light is the beginning of infinite possibilities.
At this point in my life, infinite possibilities are between so scary I can’t move to very exciting. Just when I think I got something certain in my heart, something else shows up to make me question it. Hence the good news about what if I made a different choice every 10 seconds?
I am starting to see how I have lived my life based on the enthusiasm I get from “reality” yet as soon as I run with the enthusiasm an obstacle will literally stopped me. When I started blogging about my film, there was no doubt in my mind I would not stop at the obstacles. So when I am being asked by someone I care really about to further my intention and development of my script, the demons arose.
I do know better than to pay attention to the demons and found a way to step back and stay still. I saw the beginning of the light. I am still not sure what possibility is arising from this stillness but I am willing to contemplate it.
So if I have contacted you about the film and stopped our communication, do not worry, I am in the mist of figuring it all out. My chrysalis is not completely opened yet.